


If You Can't Hear What I'm Trying to Say

by trimalchio



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-10
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trimalchio/pseuds/trimalchio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sergio Ramos tries his hand at matchmaking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Can't Hear What I'm Trying to Say

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt at FootballKink2:
> 
> So Sergio is an amazing matchmaker. Well, ok there have been some hiccups along the way. Well actually a lot of hiccups. He's not actually very good at all. But he means well, which should really count for something, ok?
> 
> I just want a story about the mishaps that occur- the failed Cris/Leo experiment, Pipita and, well, everyone. And then things finally working out. I have Cris/Fernando stuck in my head, but feel free to do what you want. And you'll forever have my heart if you include Sergio trying to set up Iker with Becks in the past but Iker being in love with Sergio the whole time. Happy endings for all please!

 “I swear to God, you are the worst at this.”

“Whatever. You're just jealous because I messed up with you and Becks.”

Iker rolled his eyes at Sergio, who was peering over the fence to see how his latest attempts at matchmaking were going. His neighbor, Cristiano, was on a picnic date with one of Iker's neighbors, Leo. It seemed to be going smoothly enough, which made Iker's cynicism a little premature, or at least po-faced.

“Well, how many of these stupid things have gone right?”

“A few.”

“A few? What a specific number.”

“Well, Grandpa Grumpybuttons--” Iker snorted at Sergio's newest nickname for him “--Cesc and Gerard worked out fine.”

“After you tried to set up Cesc with me and Gerard with Ibra.”

Sergio winced, having almost forgotten the nearly nuclear fallout from attempting to set up Gerard and Ibra. Perhaps he had post-traumatic amnesia from the incident. He said, “I admit that the Ibra experiment was exceptionally dangerous, but you had fun with Cesc, right?”

“But he wasn't the One.”

“The Special One?” Sergio said wistfully, “Remember when I tried to set up Pep with him?”

“Mou almost murdered you.”

“But it was fun fleeing from him, wasn't it?”

“I hate getting mixed up in your stupid schemes,” Iker sighed. They both almost got fired from Bernabéu Accounting because of that particular incident. It was just lucky that Mourinho got fired first. Their new boss was less prone to getting mixed up into Sergio's silly schemes.

“Could have fooled me.” Sergio peeked over the fence again. Cristiano and Leo were talking about soccer. Leo was getting a little prickly. Iker stood up to face Sergio.

“What does that mean?”

“You still hang around me, even though you think all of my matches are stupid. And in all of my experience as a student of human emotion and behavior, you either like getting in trouble or you like hanging out with me.”

“You're a student of human emotion now?”

“I have to be. To be an amateur matchmaker, don't I?”

“You still have only provided me with one match that actually worked.”

“Pipita and...well, Pipita and everyone.”

“Pipita will fuck anyone and everyone. If anything, you proved that he has the weird power to turn perfectly normal couples into his love slaves.”

“Are you talking about Álvaro and Raúl?”

“Duh.”

“I think Pipita's ass is a magnet. Or has magnet-like tendencies, at least. It attracts us all.”

“Not only are you a student of human emotion, but you are clearly also a scientist,” Iker looked over the fence. Leo took off his sweatshirt to show Cristiano that he was wearing a blue and red Barcelona kit. Cristiano, already an odd shade of orange, turned an odd shade of purple. Cristiano, like Sergio and Iker, was a Real Madrid fan. Iker continued, “I don't think your new couple is working out too well.”

“Shut up, you stupid gnome!” Cristiano shouted, as Sergio stood on tip toes again to look over the fence. Leo threw orange juice in Cristiano's face before storming off. Cristiano, similarly stomped away, leaving Sergio's picnic blanket/bed sheet and Iker's basket in the park.

Sergio climbed the fence to gather up his and Iker's abandoned belongings. Iker smiled, as he jumped down from the fence in turn, “I was right.”

“So? At least, I tried.”

Iker picked up his basket.

“You never did answer me before. Do you like getting in trouble or do you like hanging out with me?”

Iker shrugged.

“Why didn't you work out with Becks, anyway?”

“I guess he wasn't the One either.”

They started walking towards the park entrance, to start the trek back to their houses, “Why not?”

“You can't force someone to be the One for you, can you?”

“But you can have fun with someone before you find the One. I swear, you don't like having fun at all. I'm shocked that you and Becks actually had sex, considering you being you.”

As they neared the park entrance, Iker stopped short. Cristiano and Leo were kissing, leaning against the park entrance pillar. Leo was standing on a rock to be at mouth level for Cristiano.

Iker glanced at Sergio quickly, who was lost in a rant about David Beckham. His stupid, oblivious Sergio had a bad habit of not noticing things right in front of his face. Iker had to take matter into his own hands.

Iker grabbed Sergio's free arm and pulled him close, pressing his lips roughly against Sergio's unprepared mouth. When they parted, Sergio was smug, “I knew you liked me. You hate getting in trouble.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Update 1/22/14. Edited for various errors)


End file.
